Parenting Free Solo

Musings from an Exceptional Week

Photo by Peter Steiner 🇨🇭 on Unsplash

I have had an interesting week which left me with little time to think. My husband was away on a trip, and I was on my own (almost) to manage while he was gone. I’ll be honest when I say that I didn’t suffer too much. It was a bit lonely but being “the only grownup” had its perks. I would remind the kids to behave better because I was “the only grownup” in the house, and I was responsible for their everything and so they needed to help. It actually worked and my youngest even reminded me of his stellar behavior on Mothers’ Day because as he told me, that’s the most special of all days and  that is what kids do for their mothers. It was precious! It was also interesting to notice the tweaks I made to the schedule or the relaxing of certain rules, or how I simply had to put my phone away because there was no one else but me, and I needed to be entirely present. It was a revelation in a way.

Most of the time, I feel like I come upstairs from my workspace into life already underway and I sometimes join in but other times I retreat to another part of the house simply to get my bearings, to remove one hat (or cardigan) and put on another. This week, there was little opportunity to retreat but I really didn’t mind. I was trying to think at least one or two steps ahead so that I could keep us moving along smoothly. I found that I could relax knowing I had it all under control, and so we could initiate our post-dinner ping pong matches on the dining room table, for example, which kept us all focused on non-screen togetherness times.

There were moments of difficulty and moments of sadness in missing Daddy. There were frustrations and challenges. I did my best to slow down even in getting the kids out of the house in the morning, which can make one question one’s actions in a past life because of how absurd they can be. I’m trying to lead by example and breathe more, smile more, say ‘yes’ more. And when I lose my temper, I apologize and own my mistakes.

I know that there are many parents who parent on their own far more than they are with their partner. Or parents who are always parenting alone. I give those people a lot of credit because knowing that it keeps going and going is exhausting. At least I knew that he was going to be back and that I’d be able to find time sneak away again. But getting the chance to parent own was a good reminder that I can do it and do it well, or at least good enough. And, I am also really glad I don’t have to.

One of my favorite texts on teaching or parenting is from Proverbs: Educate a child in the way the child should go, and even when the child is old, they will not depart from it.

חֲנֹךְ לַנַּעַר עַל פִּי דַרְכּוֹ גַּם כִּי יַזְקִין לֹא יָסוּר מִמֶּנָּה:

As parents, the kids are always watching, always learning. They learn about how to tie their shoes and take care of their dishes, but they also learn by watching their parents and other trusted adults in their lives. Our behavior becomes a model for them, and so do our values.

This week, their father needed to go to Israel on a trip of witnessing, learning and standing in solidarity with those affected by the recent conflict there on both sides. Sometimes, I need to leave home for my own educational purposes and I hope that despite being sad, they understand that their parents are people making a difference in this world. And what is even better than that is when we get to put our values into practice together as a family.

The memories I want them to have from their childhood are about those times, about how they felt safe and protected with either parent or both, how they had opportunities to spread their wings, and how much fun they had playing dinner table ping pong together.