Hi, reader! I’ve been trying to get back on a regular writing schedule so I appreciate your patience. I hope that you will still find the newsletter meaningful to you, and I always appreciate responses.
I am dedicating this newsletter today to: my parents, Shalom and Dalia, for reaching an incredible milestone, 48 years of marriage! Mazal tov! You have given me life, cared for me continuously and have given so much love and attention to my kids. You are the best!
It is also dedicated to the memory of Linda Berey Hurst z”l who continues to inspire me every day and who made the world a more colorful and loving place.
Enjoy!
I find it interesting that the same space where I sometimes feel accomplished and proud can also be a place where I can feel uncertain and timid. How quickly I forget the successes and move toward doubt and making assumptions about myself and others that simply aren’t true.
When this happens, I get so frustrated at myself for allowing the irrational, negative and frankly incorrect thoughts to enter my mind in an attempt to derail me. It causes me to have trouble sleeping at night with things swirling around my brain. One morning, when I woke up, I decided that I needed a mindset shift. I said to myself: You are the boss.
It’s a phrase that just came to me but actually my co-workers put a sign on my desk that says: I am the Boss. Clearly, it wasn’t a sign for them since I’m not actually their boss, but more of a sign for me, a reminder for myself and way to put a smile on my face.
In order to quell the insecurity and to remind myself what is actually real and true, I decided that this was my mantra for the day: You are the boss. This is me putting me in my place. My husband said it to me as well. It really doesn’t matter why he said it (I totally asked him to) in order for it to feel amazing to hear.
This mantra is a way to remind me that I know what I’m doing; I come to my opinions and beliefs as a result of my experience and learning so it has a firm foundation. I may not be the actual boss but I am a boss. The world doesn’t need me to make myself smaller. Quite the contrary. I need to own my power and my voice.
In her book, Buy Yourself the F*cking Lilies: And Other Rituals to Fix Your Life From Someone Who’s Been There, Tara Shuster recommends we view the voice in our heads as someone external to us, a thing she calls “The Frenemy Within”. We would never allow anyone to talk to us or to our friends the way we sometimes speak to ourselves. Telling ourselves we aren’t deserving of something great, that we aren’t smart enough, attractive enough, talented enough , fill in the blank. That voice is a monster and we can talk back and fight it off. She writes affirmations for herself on sticky notes and puts them all around her room. So it’s much more than just one single mantra but many opportunities to remind ourselves of what’s true.
And something else that’s true: even bosses are human. Even the people we look to for inspiration because we think they have it all together are human. Being human means being imperfect, having flaws, making mistakes, being vulnerable. I want to be ok with the vulnerability, being comfortable in knowing and even sometimes showing my imperfection.
I have often found comfort in the Psalms and the words often are a plea to God not to turn away, not to abandon us and to remember to be compassionate toward us. One example from Psalms 40:12 is: You will not withhold from me Your compassion; Your steadfast love will protect me always. In my own words: Creator of the world, Source of Life, remember me and think of me in my best light. Have compassion for me when I stumble or miss the mark. Remember to love me and keep me close.
What if this was a prayer I said to myself as well? What if I reminded myself not to withhold love and compassion from myself?
Brene Brown writes: “I believe that owning our worthiness is the act of acknowledging that we are sacred. Perhaps embracing vulnerability… is ultimately about the care and feeding of our spirits.”
Maybe my mantra isn’t that I’m the boss, because honestly, we often think we are in control but that’s rarely the case. We are the boss, and we are not the boss at the same time. Perhaps my mantra is: I am worthy: worthy of love, of success, of being heard and seen. We are worthy.
I bless us that we can find the words to comfort ourselves when we feel we are faltering. May we all find our mantra and remember that we are worthy.
I love this message! I'm going to try saying that to myself more often - both to empower me and to remind me to give myself some grace. Thank you!
Beautiful!