The Whole Torah on One Foot

The Foundation of Torah and the Fundamentals of Relationships

 Photo by Dan Meyers on Unsplash

There is a well-known story in the Talmud about the ancient scholars, Rabbis Hillel and Rabbi Shammai. A little background: They lived around the 1st century CE and famously disagreed on their interpretations of Jewish legal matters. While Hillel’s view often prevailed, Shammai’s understanding still appears in the text, and his views are studied along with Hillel’s. They are also an example of two people who could be so opposed in their views but still respect each other’s rigorous intellectual prowess, even enough to allow their children to marry each other.

Here’s the story:

A person who wants to become Jewish approaches R. Shammai and asks him to teach them the entire Torah while they stand on one foot. Shammai finds this request offensive and tells the potential convert to leave. Hillel however accepts the challenge and teaches: What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor. That is the whole Torah; the rest is the explanation. Go and learn it!

This teaching has also become known as the golden rule: do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Hillel’s ability to distill the entire Torah to one maxim sets him apart from his counterpart who finds the notion of doing so offensive. Furthermore, Hillel, in teaching the person according to how they asked to be taught, despite how he might actually feel about doing so, demonstrates his own lesson. He does not teach the person as he, Hillel, might prefer to learn; he adjusts based on what the person before him needs with little judgement or disdain.

However, in thinking about this further, I realize that I was interpreting this story’s application incorrectly. I was imagining that we start by considering ourselves and how we would like to be treated and then extrapolating that outward to another. In fact, it is not exactly a 1:1 match. What we really need to be doing is understanding what the other person needs, more like what Hillel did in acceding to the convert’s request.

We each have needs and desires, and it is when those are met that we feel truly appreciated, understood and loved. This may occur in an interpersonal setting when someone uses our particular ‘love language’, our way of giving and interpreting care and affection. Often used to facilitate harmony within a couple, understanding the love language of the other is a way to express that we get them, we know what it takes to make the other person happy. Sometimes we do this through finding them the perfect gift, spending quality time together, connecting physically, doing something to help the other person or using words to signal appreciation and affection. But while knowing yourself and the ways that you need to feel respected and loved is important and should be shared, what is also vital is practicing attunement to the needs of others, to be able to listen in order to recognize the ways in which they crave to feel valued.

It would be so much easier if everyone with whom we are in relationship (family members, life partner or even co-workers)  would share the same love language or the same preferences or the same interests. Often, that isn’t the case. So, while it may come naturally to interact with others in the ways that we like and make sense to us, it may not achieve the desired result: making the other feel valued while in turn receiving the validation we appreciate.

Therefore, it makes a lot of sense that Rabbi Hillel taught that the foundation of the Torah rests on this one principle and that fundamental maxim is found in the Torah of relationship.