The Magical Art

Putting Your House and Your World In Order

Marie Kondo wrote in her book “The Magical Art of Tidying Up” that you should “put your house in order and [you will] discover what you really want to do.” She argues that tidying is a way to take stock of the path your life has taken and it holds a mirror to show you on who you are. Surrounding yourself with only the things you love or spark joy for you brings great clarity to what we would most like to be doing and where our passions may lie.

In my last newsletter, I discussed the goals that we have for ourselves that require accountability, the ones that need someone or something external to give us a push forward. Today, I’m thinking of those things that I intrinsically desire in the short and the long term that I don’t necessarily need to write down on a list of goals because they are always present for me, and I’ll keep pushing myself toward them. One that keeps coming back for me again and again is one I suspect many readers will share: I desire a tidier living space.

It seems to me that people are born hardwired to be tidy or messy. That does not mean that we cannot improve with dedication and hard work, like in any worthwhile pursuit. Yet, even as I try, tidiness remains elusive. I always had a messy room growing up with my floor covered with anything and everything. I would resent having to clean up so the cleaning lady could come. I remember being so clueless when I lived with my first roommate because sometimes I would literally not see something that I had left out until she pointed it out to me in exasperation. I kept trying, though, out of consideration and a fear that I was failing at a basic part of adulting, taking care of your own “stuff”. In rabbinical school, I shared an apartment with a friend who I think shared some of these tendencies because there was a time that a wok sat on the floor of the living room for so long, we just took to walking over it rather than finding a place for it to permanently go. We still laugh about it! I have been married for over a decade, and as one of our rabbis wisely warned about marriage, we have been having the same argument for the entire time. I am who I am, and I will be who I will be. But that does not mean I am not compelled to work on it; I simply accept that it is not in my nature so it will be more challenging.

An oft-quoted but powerful nonetheless axiom of our tradition teaches: You are not required to finish the task, but neither may you desist from it. (Pirkei Avot 2:2) Meaning: even if the job ahead seems insurmountable or too big for one person, it does not mean that we should not do our best or do what we can do to make a dent in it. This is true for larger societal issues that we are battling as well as for the personal challenges. This perfectly explains my relationship with tidying up. There are multiple reasons that our house is the way that it is: combining two rabbinic libraries, inheriting a lot of household items from my beloved mother-in-law, having three young boys who collect and make things, and the not so simple fact that I feel compelled to keep things, accept things from others and to maintain a supply of extra things “just in case” we need it. The pandemic did not help my mild hoarding tendency as I’ve brought in more art supplies, games, books and non-perishable foods.  As I slowly make changes to my life and the fact that we spend most of our time within our four walls, setting my sights on the house seems like a logical step.

I appreciate Marie Kondo’s ideal and relish the thought that one day the house could reflect the best of who we are. But what if Marie Kondo’s statement is about much more than creating a peaceful home. Putting our home in order is a way to see the truth that is right in front of us. This week, the country held its breathe in anticipation of the verdict in the case against the officer tried for the murder of George Floyd, whose death was a catalyst for racial justice after a summer of many senseless death of people of color. It was a national reckoning for so many who could no longer remain silent in the face of so much systemic and ongoing racism and violence. The video that I could not bear to watch made it impossible to ignore; the fact that the jury found Derek Chauvin guilty on all three counts was an important milestone, in how exceptional it was, in how much justice needed to be done and in how much change is still needed in policing in this country. We have been looking at the world around us even more acutely since Floyd’s death and figuring out what elements need to be discarded, even when it is painful and personal. We will not be able to get to the point of living in a peaceful and just society without doing the work and making the hard choices, taking stock, being uncomfortable and being strong and resolute about what we need to do.

 This is only one example of many. We are facing many fights against the treatment of LGBTQ+ folk, the increase in hate crimes, immigration and separation, disparities between rich and poor, the gender wage gap, limits on reproductive health and access to health care in general, the lack of affordable childcare, fatphobia, anti-Semitism and more.  Even Marie Kondo might be outmatched with all that we are facing that stands in the way of creating the world as it could be. But as Pirkei Avot taught, we cannot let it overwhelm us and prevent us from starting the work. No more shoving everything into the hall closet. It is a long road ahead, but just imagine how beautiful it be and how we will feel  when we finally get our house together.