Photo by Neil Thomas on Unsplash
Recently, while I worked out with my trainer on zoom, something she said struck me as important for the workout and for life. We had finished our regular session with weight training, core work and stretching, and she suggested we close with trigger point work. This is a challenging and largely unpleasant experience of using a firm ball to press deeply into muscle tissue to get it to relax. The process is uncomfortable (I don’t want to use the word ‘painful’ because it’s not quite accurate in my experience, though others may find it so) but the results are remarkable and rather long lasting in terms of easing soreness in the muscles.
Anyway, we were going to use the ball to dig into the glutes, the most used muscle we have because it controls standing and sitting and it’s also a pretty strong muscle along with our legs. Here’s what she instructed me: when you place the ball in the muscle, you don’t need to put your entire weight onto it. You can leave the other side on the ground for support so the ball can still do its work without it being too overwhelming. She also said that the more I do the trigger point work, the easier it will be going forward.
I smiled when she said that last point. There is no question that I would not choose to use the trigger point ball on my own if I wasn’t prompted by my trainer which isn’t so surprising. Why do I want to put myself in a situation that I know is going to be uncomfortable? While some people might relish the opportunity, I’m less inclined to do so. Yet the discomfort is necessary for growth and improvement, both in my workout and in life.
There is an ancient Rabbinic teaching in Pirkei Avot, 2:6 that a timid person cannot learn. This is something I have struggled with being a shy person (shy introvert) throughout my life. I have always loved being a student and excelled at it, but I was not always willing to raise my hand to speak my mind, raise a challenge or ask a question. Some people can formulate their ideas or questions as they speak, but I need to hear the whole thing in my mind before I am ready to share it. This was something I have worked to overcome, and I think it is still with me today albeit less pronounced. Being willing to ask for help or admit that something is not clear while a room of our peers looks on requires courage that often goes unrecognized.
I work with my children on being comfortable enough to speak up and it’s not easy because it can feel uncomfortable to do so. This is especially true when it’s about injustice or involves confrontation. In response to my last newsletter, a reader commented that she is willing to engage in difficult conversations with someone in her life whom she met doing a program where she went to live in a rural area surrounded by people with different backgrounds, ideals and beliefs. I remarked that it was so commendable that she chose that opportunity knowing that it would be challenging and as a result, it was life changing. It also led to her forming lasting relationships and a chance to understand different points of view. She chose to be uncomfortable knowing it would lead to growth.
Now, back to my trainer: The first points she made about using the other side of my body to assist me while I used the ball made me feel that we often have support in our lives that we may not realize or that we forget to utilize in times of stress. Her reminder to do that gave me permission to lighten the pressure I was putting on myself. I believe we could all benefit from that. Do we need to take all of it on our shoulders or can we share the burden?
There’s another teaching from Pirkei Avot 6:6 which expounds that there are 48 ways in which we acquire Torah. The Torah that the text is referring to is not just the physical Torah scroll or, I believe, even what’s inside the 5 books. Rather, it is about the Torah of our lives and how to bring holiness into the things that we choose to do on a daily basis. The Mishnah offers quite a long list as to how to bring Torah to life and those that succeed. One of them is: Who shares in the bearing of a burden with his colleague. The Hebrew words are: נוֹשֵׂא בְעֹל עִם חֲבֵרוֹ (nosei b’ol eem haveiro). The Hebrew word translated as “colleague” here can also mean “friend”. How do we allow our friends to bear our burdens with us? Are we willing to be vulnerable, to let others really see us, to say yes when someone offers, to reach out when they do not?
What I find surprising is that allowing ourselves to lean on others is a path to Torah, or stated differently: sharing the burden is an opportunity to spread holiness; it is a Divine act . Therefore, it is fundamental to our lives as humans, and we can all do well to remember that.
I do not mean to say that this is easy. It is radical and counter cultural in a world that tends to recognize individual achievement and prefer hierarchies. But in the part of the universe where we can exert some control, I bless us that we find ways to share our burdens with others and be willing to have others lean on us. At the very least, we will feel less alone and at most, it will inspire a ripple effect whose impact may be infinitely profound.
Happy Independence Day, America! May this year of your existence live up to your great potential.