He [Rabbi Hillel] used to say: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am for myself alone, what am I? And if not now, then when? Pirkei Avot 1:14
How long does it take to break bad habits and create new healthier ones? According to the Whole30 program, it takes 30 days. It likely takes less time than that, actually, but there is something neat and tidy about doing something for an entire month. It’s both a long and short period of time, and totally doable, right? As they say in the book: in the spectrum of hard things, this isn’t hard. Once I decided I was ready to make a change by committing to a program, I took some time to read and consult with friends who have done multiple Whole30 rounds. I took stock of what I needed and then jumped right in, mid-February.
Honestly, I don’t think I was fully ready when I started. I soon realized that there is an entire universe dedicated to Whole30 the program and the lifestyle/brand. It was a bit overwhelming, honestly, so I reminded myself as I have many times throughout the pandemic: get back to the basics. I asked myself: What are your goals? How do you measure success?
While weight loss is often a by-product of Whole30, it’s not the goal. It’s about taking control back on what we are putting in our bodies, recognizing that the act of eating is often about much more than nourishment, for better and for worse, and that sometimes our habits are not serving us. I had fallen into a number of unhealthy practices during the pandemic like not getting enough sleep, eating whatever was in front of me for comfort and ease, spending too much time on my phone *not* expanding my mind and looking for shortcuts to make life smoother. I was ready for that to change. I wanted to disconnect ‘comfort’ and ‘snacking’, to sever the link between ‘reward’ and ‘sugar treat’ and to be much more intentional about what feeding, nourishing and fueling my body could be. I wanted to feel better.
In short, I was motivated to improve my health and my life. I dedicated myself to making sure I had the right foods available to me to create the compatible meals, which are largely vegetables, protein and fat. I created my own kitchen area which I labelled: Whole30 Pantry. My oldest child decided to rename it: Whole30 Party, which I appreciated. I planned my meals for the next day each night in a dedicated journal as I scoured the internet for interesting recipes. The planning was important, as was having a mindset of being totally committed to this process. I also credit my success to the support of my family (I had to explain what I could and could not eat and rearrange the kitchen a bit as well as dedicate a lot more time to cooking and meal prep), a community of fellow practitioners online and holding myself accountable. I joined a Whole30 beginners FB group which was so helpful in answering my questions, keeping me sane and pushing me onward. I even found some people I knew in the group who reached out directly to offer help. The structure of the program plus the support of those around me and the group carried me through.
I have connected to the Jewish teaching above a lot over the years. For this particular moment, and I am sure many moments to come, it felt like it was speaking just to me. ‘If I’m not for myself, who will be for me?’ I cannot expect anyone else to advocate for me if I’m not going to do it first. I cannot place the responsibility for my life in anyone else’s hands. ‘If I am only for myself, what am I?’ No one is an island and acting like we are only further isolates us from those around us upon whose help and support we need. ‘And if not now, then when?’ This one is actually the hardest question, in my opinion. This is the one that requires us to remove the fear, the self-doubt, the many excuses that we tend to make and just go for it. I believe it’s rhetorical and dares us not to look away in the face of what needs to be done.
During this time, I was also part of an incredible group coaching class, The Intentionally Designed Life, facilitated by the fabulous Cricket Buchler, to push me forward on achieving goals that had lain dormant, that I would not bring to fruition on my own without guidance, support and accountability. The group consisted of 10 women all over the country, each with her own personal or professional goals, coming together to show up for ourselves and one another and to make real change in our lives over the course of 8 sessions. We dreamed about what we really want, we learned about what specific, meaningful, achievable, relevant and time-bound goals are (SMART) and decided the steps we needed to take to realize them. We also met weekly with a partner to help clarify things for ourselves and to support and challenge the other, like good havruta pairs. I am pleased to share that I have achieved one of my three goals with the creation of this newsletter! Again, I believe that the community, comradery and accountability made this possible.
I finished Whole30 before Passover and the class ended at the beginning of April. I must admit that being on the other side feels a bit challenging. Now I am on my own to figure out how I’d like to nourish my body going forward and to keep working on my goals so that I don’t let the demands of life push them aside again. But without the accountability, it’s easy to start letting things slide. I think I need a new FB group for people figuring out how to live Whole30-esque lives and to maintain my relationship with my accountability partners from the group to make sure I keep going. But I have so many things I’d like to be tackling; how to maintain motivation and accountability to those goals that I might continue to put off?
I go back to Rabbi Hillel’s message above as a mantra, to remind me that as much as life can feel outside of my control, there are systems or structures that I can put into place that won’t overwhelm me if I take them step by step. There are people I can turn to for reminders, for check ins or even just to sit there while I keep from procrastinating. I plan to take the lessons I’ve learned of setting myself up for success and asking myself: why not now?
Now, it’s your turn! Ask yourself: what is something you want for yourself, something that you often defer, something that might challenge you or even make you uncomfortable but you know will help you grow. Who can help you or support you or gently coax you forward? Give yourself deadlines and put times into your calendar so you know you are serious about it. And finally, what are you waiting for? Let’s do this!