It has been a while since I've written in a formal way because the Jewish calendar interrupted the regular flow of my life, or at least the flow that I believed was there. The holiday season was so lovely and refreshing and brought together family and friends in ways that do not usually happen during the regular course of life. I often feel that it takes a lot of energy and planning to manage our lives and that I neglect certain needs of my own in the process. Thank goodness for the disruption that at times can show me what I need, even when I don’t realize it.
Lately, it feels that at work and at home, I am in a constant state of reacting to what comes, pivoting and rethinking when necessary and just waiting for the other shoe to drop. As I write this, I hear how difficult and desperate it sounds. It hardly seems like a recipe for a meaningful life, a life filled with awe, beauty and connectedness. I yearn for a life where I can be focused on the here and now, and maybe feeling like I can get a jump on what’s next before it comes. I resent the bumps on the road and the extra challenges they put in my path. Sometimes the bumps are more painful and require more attention.
What I am understanding is that the disruptions are going to come, and I can control how I respond to them. But what I cannot afford to do is ignore my own needs. I decided a few months ago that I needed some time away, to relax and breathe and shed some of the anxiety and tension that had taken up residence inside my body. I made a plan to meet up with a friend, got the time off, told everyone in my life who needed to know and flew out west.
Traveling these days is both liberating and challenging, with every aspect costing money and putting us at the mercy of the airlines and other companies and of course other travelers along the way. But the freedom to plan my days, choose my meals, move my body, challenge myself in new ways and laugh and laugh felt priceless and absolutely essential to my overall well-being. I came back with a deep appreciation for nature and friendship plus it gave me something I really needed: it filled my inner well. It is just not possible to keep moving forward without being attentive to our own needs. Going on this trip gave me a greater ability to face the challenges of my every day life and respond to it with more patience and a smile that comes more easily.
The Artist’s Way program requires a weekly ‘artist date’, time to yourself to nurture your inner creative self. It’s a non-negotiable of the program because we need to carve out space for ourselves in order to nourish our inner artist. I made a list of all the ways in which I found the trip enriching to inspire myself to use the time in ways that will work for me. It included things like: nature, time with a friend, shopping, free choice, time away, ease...
Here’s what I am asking myself: Why was that trip so necessary? What did it give me? What do I need going forward? One thing that was clear right away was how it gave me the ability to handle the regular stresses of my life better, more evenly and without feeling immediately overwhelmed. I had a smile on my face through the weariness of travel and the return to the office. I had more patience for my kids even after a long day. Those days away allowed me to feel like the me I want to be all the time.
This recent life disruption was caused by me, and it was a big one that is truly special. So many other disruptions happen to us, like the devastating situation of the last year and a half in the pandemic. Throughout each, I remind myself to go back to the basics, to the fundamentals of what I really need to get me through. At the start of the pandemic, I wrote out the list and refer to it regularly.
I am committing to spending one afternoon to myself at least once a month and using the list I created to make sure it enriches me and gives me what I need to breathe a bit more. This isn’t the only thing, though. Regular exercise, spiritual practice, artistic expression and connection to loved ones are also crucial but I am not always making them the priorities they should be as I get through each day. But even if I struggle through one day, I’m looking forward to getting another opportunity to try again.