Photo by Derek Owens on Unsplash
The school year has started in earnest, and I still feel so scattered. The Jewish holidays interrupting each week makes it difficult to establish regular routines. There is so much to do and so little time. So, of course, what do I do but jump back into a round of Whole30 which started on September 1st. What’s up with that? It means turning my attention toward yet another thing, making sure I’m ready each day, avoiding the delicious foods connected to the holidays and really focusing on what I eat.
Why am I doing this? Melissa Urban, co-founder of Whole30, asked me the same question in an email to all those who have committed to a September Whole30, a yearly event for the company. She said that most likely, this process is going to become very challenging at some point, and I’ll be ready to throw in the towel, unless I really know why I am doing this.
It is a crucial question to ask ourselves before any major decision: What is my ‘why’? What is really motivating me here? Is it something that comes from what I want for myself or is it something that is coming from external pressure?
We develop bad habits for a reason. Convenience foods are just that: convenient. So often I am grabbing for the box of whatever is closest to me so that I can stave off the hunger temporarily and carry on with my day. The way we eat in our society is often connected to social interactions and to our emotions. We are told that some of the things we eat should make us feel guilty or provide comfort. It is very uncommon seeing people in restaurants eating alone; in fact, a friend of mine had incredibly uncomfortable exchanges with restaurant staff while on a solo trip. Sharing meals with people is a wonderful way to stay connected and feel nourished physically and emotionally. However, I often find I’m not really paying attention to what I’m eating half the time and often I do not feel like I am in control of my cravings for many foods. I do not think it needs to be that way.
In order to answer Melissa’s question, I took out my journal and tried to really think about what I want. They emphasize recognizing non-scale victories (#nsv), those achievements from the program that are not connected to weight loss. Often, those NSVs are about health and chronic conditions that plague many people. Doctors prescribe Whole30 to people sometimes, and people in the groups I’m in share all kinds of benefits they have found. It is clear that the way we eat can exacerbate or even cause certain issues for people and that making drastic changes is therapeutic.
I feel very fortunate not to be in that category and that my goals are more about feeling like the junk food no longer controls me. I would like my body to be fueled by protein, vegetables and fats and not by highly processed foods and sugar. As a pescatarian, I am limited to eating eggs and fish as my protein while on the program, and I do not intend for this kind of diet to be longer term. I’d like to move closer to being plant based but cleaner through cooking and eating more healthy options and not eating foods designed to be like foods I am eliminating. Once I am feeling secure in how I eat, I will examine the foodways of my family as a whole as well.
What I really want is to find food freedom, the ability to make choices about my eating without finding myself going off the rails into bad habit land again. While weight loss is not an explicit Whole30 goal, it is somewhere in my mind. Yet, when I jumped back in on September 1st, I did not even weigh myself first. One of the rules of Whole30 is to stay off the scale the entire time. It is too easy to let those numbers decide how we feel about what we are doing: we see the numbers go down and we feel accomplished; if we don’t, we feel discouraged and more likely to quit. Other programs involve regular weight checks, but since Whole30 is not about weight loss but about figuring out the best way for you to eat, they do not allow the scale to play a role at all during the 30 days. Does the scale really need to play a central role in our lives anyway? Do these external forms of motivation, like fitness trackers, really serve us or hinder us?
Here is what I want: I want to feel nourished at the end of a meal. I want to feel like I know exactly what I am putting into my body. I want to walk through the world with more confidence and self-acceptance because I know I am being conscientious about my eating habits.
Here’s what I have learned so far, in brief:
· It is possible to eat at a restaurant during Whole30 but it is challenging and not really worth it. We went out to celebrate a colleague’s last day and I scoured the menu to find something I could work with. I chose a salad and asked for an egg as protein and no dressing. It was fine but not worth the expense. I am glad I went to the restaurant for other reasons and perhaps next time, I will order the fruit seltzer and eat the rest of my lunch before or afterward.
· Doing Whole30 in any situation other than quarantining at home is really hard! The planning, the cooking and packing food takes effort. If I’m not satisfied, I have few options for extra food away from home, so I’ve stashed some nuts and raisins in my drawer for emergencies.
· I may be eating the right foods, but I have noticed that I am not eating in manner that I would like. I want to be savoring my food, not eating it quickly between meetings. I want to eat mindfully, with appreciation to the Divine and to all the hands that contributed to making my meal possible.
The Torah teaches: v’achalta, v’savata u’veirachta-You shall eat, you shall be satisfied and you shall bless (give thanks)-Deuteronomy 8:10. These words comprise part of the Birkat HaMazon, the Grace After Meals. While many of us are familiar with the blessings we say before we eat, many of the food related blessings appear after we eat. I am accustomed to taking the moment before I eat to say the blessing and acknowledge the food, but often I forgot to appreciate the end results, the satisfaction I hope to feel, before I’m thinking about what’s next. One thing I love about Jewish practice is its ability to transform everyday actions into holy ones. Bookending our eating, something we need for survival, with gratitude and appreciation elevates the body and the spirit.
I’m committed to finishing this month and I plan to add on an extra week for good measure, to see what a regular week feels like. I am also going to plan to do this again at another point in the year. What happens next will be a topic for future posts, but for now, I am keeping my goals in mind so that my ‘whys’ will ground me and encourage me to persist for the next two weeks.
Moadim l’simchah-hoping all those who are celebrating Sukkot are having a wonderful and joyful holiday!