Buy Nothing, Give Freely, Offer Thanks

Giving and receiving as neighbors in the pursuit of a more loving world

Photo by Jan Canty on Unsplash

A friend of mine texted me that she had a nice journal she was not going to use and asked if I wanted it. She remembered that a while back, I mentioned that I was getting back into journaling and needed a new journal for that purpose. While she is someone I know personally, the conversation she was remembering happened via Facebook in a group we are in called Buy Nothing.

Buy Nothing groups are not new. I was in one in Los Angeles and found it particularly helpful in terms of giving and receiving child-related items. But during the pandemic, I have found it to be a lifeline. This was my pandemic hobby: I dove into the Buy Nothing community. And it really feels like a kind of community, at least my particular group does.

The idea is for neighbors within clearly defined boundaries to offer up whatever sort of gift they want and those who want it can express their interest. The offers are usually items, but I have also seen offers of meals when someone has made too much, expertise in plant care or bike maintenance or people with large vehicles offering to transport things for others. The gifter, the one making the offer, gets to decide who gets it, and the guidelines are straightforward that it is a free gifting community where the gifter is free to gift and the receiver can freely receive with no strings and without needing to justify the reason.

If you have been following along, you may not be surprised that I often get excited about the posts. I am working on being thoughtful about this, but it has taken a while for me to get there.  If someone was giving away art supplies, flowerpots, kids’ games, curtains, rain boots, wall art, a gallon of milk, I would want those, grateful to be able to give them a new life.

In the group, I can post a request for something I am looking for like a large duffel bag or a fan or watercolor paper. And people respond so generously. If someone is looking for something I have, it gives me a bit of a thrill to respond to them and offer it up. I have given away a lot of stuff as well if I think some of our things may have value to someone else. It keeps a lot of things out of the landfill and creates a sense of goodwill.

The posts I have most appreciated are when people share stories of how the group helped them fulfill a need or a vision such as creating a guest room for their mom to come stay or the garden of their dreams. Or when people make actual connections with others over extra matzah ball soup they made or repairing a bike tire. To mark the occasion of a special birthday, a friend committed to giving away 100 items; she expressed her gratitude by posting about it in the group. One woman turned every post into an outrageous story about her life and how she, her husband and kids happened to have a basement full of items they were never going to use and helped to create a culture of humor and comradery in the group.

But it is not a charity or a mutual aid organization such as those that also sprung up in the neighborhood during the pandemic. It has a flavor of hesed, acts of kindness to others, in its inherent nature of giving but I don’t think it goes far enough on its own to necessarily complete our obligations toward others in our society, or even fully meet someone’s needs. While some people receive meals, rides and everything they might need to furnish an apartment, the group is not sustainable in providing for other’s needs day by day.

In fact, the Talmud famously teaches about how we care for others: R. Hama son of R. Hanina said: “What means the text, ‘You shall walk after the Lord your God’ (Deuteronomy 13:5)? Is it then, possible for a human being to walk after the Shekhinah (divine presence); for has it not been said, ‘For the Lord your God is a devouring fire’ (Deuteronomy 4:24)?! But the meaning is to walk after the attributes of the Blessed Holy One. As God clothes the naked, so you, too, clothe the naked. The Blessed Holy One visited the sick, so you, too, visit the sick. The Blessed Holy One comforted mourners, so you, too, comfort the mourners. The Blessed Holy One buried the dead, so you, too, bury the dead.”[1]

In this text, Rabbi Hama attempts to understand the Torah’s charge to follow after The Divine. Is it even possible for human beings to do that? He offers the ways in which human beings can emulate God, by performing the acts that God performs in many examples found in other places in the Torah, as in giving clothing to those who lack, visiting those who languish in illness and comforting mourners. Filling voids in the lives of people in their most vulnerable times, that is hesed, lovingkindness. And it seems easy to understand because they are offerings without any expectation of reciprocity. They are gifts of the heart and encompass different moments of life.

But then again, the group is clear about what it is and what it’s not, and I continue to be drawn to it. I love that in one day, I can get rid of a ton of clothing my kids have outgrown, pick up a chair for the backyard, grab a cool alarm clock for one of the kids, give away a bunch of leftover plastic plant pots to a mom creating a sandbox for her child and meet with a man who helped me hopefully repair one of my wooden lawn chairs.  The group makes me feel as though my bases are covered when it comes to helping me get rid of things we don’t need anymore and allowing me to find things that I need or just want for no reason at all. It creates a beautiful neighborhood circle, and we are grateful for it.

Most of the time, the giving and receiving happens via porch pick up but sometimes you get the chance to actually interact. While Judaism may teach that hesed is something greater or at the very least, something different, I believe making connections with those around us, being open to turning strangers into neighbors, is a step in the right direction toward a beautiful idea from Psalm 89: Olam Hesed Yibaneh, We will build a world of hesed, of kindness and love.

May it soon be so.

[1] BT Sotah 14a